Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
