i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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