I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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