just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
