Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
