omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
