The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
