Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
