Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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