Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
