You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
