No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
