I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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