My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
