The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize