I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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