i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize