Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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