Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
