What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
