twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize