I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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