do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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