Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
