hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
