i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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