You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
