clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
