im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
