First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
