lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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