she woke up with a sticky ear
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she told me i tasted like america
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
