so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
