I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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