he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
