u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
