Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
