I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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