I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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