grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
