Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
