Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
