D3 body, D1 cock
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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