I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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