hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think a kid would responsible me up
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
