rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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