Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
