i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
