you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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