thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
