And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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