I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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