You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Randomize
