I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
