thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
