My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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