How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We need to get me chipped asap
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
