Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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