this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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