do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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