Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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