Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
