Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
