I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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