then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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