Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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