theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
