Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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