u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
