The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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