Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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