it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
