I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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