I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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