I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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