If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
